If you know me, you know I’m a very confident, outspoken, loud and ambitious person.
If you know the real me, you know I have insecurities like anyone else. I’m slightly introverted and enjoy just staying in bed all weekend with tons of fast food and only myself for company.
But what most people know about me is how much I love doing my make-up.
So how does someone like me combine all of those things? Obviously, I created a make-up YouTube channel.
I spend a lot of my time doing my make up and thinking of new looks I can create with the make-up I already own. My friends enjoy me painting their faces and trying different looks on them too (which, might I add, is extremely difficult when you’re not professionally trained – everyone has a different face shape, different coloured undertones, different eye shapes etc).
I enjoy make-up and I wanted to share with everyone just how much. I don’t expect to become a huge YouTube star, and I don’t care massively how many views I get. I just wanted to share my passion with other people that enjoy make up as much as I do, to inspire others and inspire myself.
But one thing has always held me back from creating a YouTube channel – my skin. Since I was a teenager, I’ve suffered from bad skin. When I was growing up, I had bad skin, and as an unknowing, naive, young girl I made it worse by not cleaning it every night and picking at it. Instead of cleaning it, I covered it in make-up. Not even good make up; awful make up that definitely was not good for my pores. Not only that, but I stupidly got a fringe cut in the hope that it would hide some of the unsightly skin I was so desperate to not have.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve learned to take care of my skin. I wash it morning and evening, I know my skin type and buy products that work for me, I tried every medical option and I let it breath when I can. But the damage was done and I’m left with scars on my face from my teenage days.
Not only this, but sadly I suffer from a condition which I don’t think is talked about enough. I suffer from something called rosacea; it’s basically a medical term for a really red face (lol). It sounds stupid but it’s something I’ve ALWAYS been insecure about and it’s stopped me doing many things – swimming, sleepovers, anything that meant I had to go bare faced.
Recently however, I’ve been on antibiotics to try and clear the rosacea, or at least to try and calm it down. It still flares up and I’m still aware of the pink undertones in my face, but on the whole, lets just say it’s much better than it used to be.
Now though, I don’t think it matters massively how good/bad my skin is doing – i’ll always be able to notice my flaws more than others. But we all do.
I made the decision to bite the bullet and start a make-up YouTube channel despite this. I put my bare face out there on the internet when I can’t even leave the house to go to the shops without make up on. This has been a huge step for me and my confidence and I’m slowly learning, that those that care about me don’t care if I have a pink face or a spot in the middle of my cheek. They like me because I am that confident, outspoken, loud and ambitious person.
I’m going to continue making make-up tutorials. I’m going to continue putting my bare face on camera and I’m going to continue learning that I am more than my skin.
I still wake up and look in the mirror before I do anything else, in the hope that today is a calm skin day. But I wake up now, see a flare up, and laugh at myself for caring so much.
The point of todays blog it to recognise that we all have insecurities that we are embarrassed about, but we don’t need them to control our lives. We should continue to live the way we choose to, and not let our flaws or imperfections stop us from doing so.
Oh and by the way, if you wanna take a look at the two videos I’ve created, follow this link 😉